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Post by Deth on Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:18 pm

Pay attention to the rhyming sequence, I worked really hard on that ;P
A
B
B
A
C

The Difficult Ones by Lucifer T. M. M.

It’s far too easy, when you really care, to be too overbearing;
Or, wanting to believe, too facile to confront another’s negative attitude-
To feel powerless, inept, awkward, not possessing a quick and ready aptitude
Required to call out those who, being facetious, shallow and uncaring,
Mock the kindly benefactor who could most help them with their careless oversight.

The tendency is to overcompensate, to try too hard reverse the wrong through self-righteous anger,
When the painful reality of our own de facto imperfections contradict fictitious,
Conjured up façades of our own making. Our fertile, fecund imaginations create the danger
Of a self-image which, if allowed, will overshadow and eclipse the object of our higher wishes:
To be the change we want to see, and nose out with our olfactory those faults hidden from sight.

The passive/aggressive extremes within us, a sweet, candied confection
Mixed with the implicit overtone of frustrated pride, make war with us within,
And cause us to lose sight of the patient, gradual adaptation necessary to give them direction
By unwearied adjustment to those most able and adept at wearing us thin;
By skilled, persistent, proficient means we must weigh and wield “will” with “might.”
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Post by Jenn on Mon Aug 23, 2010 7:32 pm

The words are too hard for me to understand ):
But +'ed because i can tell u put alot of effort into it Very Happy
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Post by Recovery on Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:14 pm

Holy shit. You is prooo
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Post by Hugo on Mon Aug 23, 2010 8:36 pm

Jenn wrote:The words are too hard for me to understand ):
But +'ed because i can tell u put alot of effort into it Very Happy

*facepalm*


WhiteCollar wrote:Holy shit. You is prooo

*Double facepalm*


When you get better, you need to recite that for us in skype.
Did you write that while saying it out loud?

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Post by Deth on Mon Aug 23, 2010 9:02 pm

Hugo wrote:When you get better, you need to recite that for us in skype.
Did you write that while saying it out loud?

Lol! Maybe.
And no, I wrote it while coughing blood. Luckily my friend could decipher my scrawling after we left the medical center, or I probably couldn't type it out for you xD
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Post by Julia on Mon Aug 23, 2010 10:39 pm

VERY well written [:

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Post by Vicky on Mon Aug 23, 2010 11:24 pm

Tom, I'm becoming a fan of your poems. Razz
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Post by Jamez on Tue Aug 24, 2010 6:06 am

Nice, and sick that you made the effort.
But the rhyming scheme is kind of pointless...
The lines seem too long, but it doesn't matter i guess...

and why is there a slash?

You're second stanza doesn't come out as a something of a poem though.
"Our fertile, fecund imaginations create the danger
Of a self-image which, if allowed, will overshadow and eclipse the object of our higher wishes:
To be the change we want to see, and nose out with our olfactory those faults hidden from sight."

Sounds like something you'd expect from a book, or speech.

Throw in some pentameter or tetrameter Smile
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Post by Deth on Tue Aug 24, 2010 6:39 pm

@ Jamez, Thanks for the constructive criticism. If you can tell me what the poem means, and who "The Difficult Ones" are, then I'll take it into consideration. XD
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Post by Mika on Sat Aug 28, 2010 11:53 am

It has so much meaning <3

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Post by Cathy on Sat Aug 28, 2010 4:55 pm

Love it, just amazing. The way you used the words are just brilliant.
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Post by sohandsoh on Sun Aug 29, 2010 9:57 am

Nice poem:)

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